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Self confidence and esteem counselling

How is self-confidence different from self-esteem?

Although the two terms are often used interchangeably, there are key differences between self-confidence and self-Esteem, Confidence is linked with the external world, such as how others see us, how we present ourselves, and what we achieve. Self-esteem, however, is more internal. It’s about our own relationship with ourselves and how we feel deep down about who we are.
The two traits are linked but not always connected. As a result, self-confidence can evolve alongside self-esteem or independently.

Low self-esteem

Over time, low self-esteem can have a negative impact on our mental health. You may also find having certain mental health conditions impacts your self-esteem. Here, we will be looking into self-esteem more, discussing what can impact it, how it links to our mental health and how counselling can help.

What is low self-esteem?

When we have low self-esteem we can see both ourselves and the world around us in a negative light. We may feel unhappy and find it more difficult to cope with challenges when they come up.

If you have low self-esteem, you may struggle to value yourself. This can affect your life in a number of ways. You may find it difficult to like who you are and struggle in relationships. Low self-esteem can make it tough for you to believe in yourself, so you might struggle to try new things and take risks.

If you make a mistake, you might take it to heart and find it hard to move on. Your self care may suffer and you may prioritise other people’s feelings and needs above your own. Self-esteem can however be built, so if this is ringing true, please know that it doesn’t have to stay this way.

When you start to accept, value and like yourself, these struggles start to ease. You may feel more confident socialising and communicating in relationships. When new opportunities present themselves, you’re more likely to push yourself to go for them. You’ll find it easier to learn from mistakes and move onwards and upwards. Self-care can become a priority, allowing you to look after yourself better and thus, be better able to support others.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

There are a number of different signs that you could have low self-esteem. You might exhibit some or all of these. They can include (but aren’t limited to):

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saying or thinking negative things about yourself
being self-critical
feelings of sadness, depression, anger, anxiety, shame or worthlessness
blaming yourself for things that go wrong (even if they are out of your control)
repeatedly joking about yourself in a negative way
ignoring your achievements in favour of focusing on your mistakes or self-perceived negatives
avoiding challenges due to fear of failure
believing others are better than you
thinking you don’t deserve to have nice things or fun experiences
refusing to accept compliments
feeling overly upset by any criticism, disapproval, or negative feedback

What are the causes of low self-esteem?

Everyone will have different things in their life that affect self-esteem. For some people, self-esteem changes suddenly (for example, after a stressful life event) while, for others, low self-esteem may be something they’ve lived with for a long time.

Often your opinion of yourself is built in your early years. You may have experienced authority figures who were disapproving. Being criticised a lot in childhood can lead you to form the opinion that you’re ‘not good enough’. Being bullied in childhood can also have a lasting impact on your sense of self-esteem, long after the bullying stops.

Other life events that can affect your self-esteem include:

experiencing abuse (of any kind)
experiencing Discrimination or stigma
Relationship issues
ongoing stress
difficulties at work/school
body image worries
problems with money or housing
losing your job, of finding it hard to get a job

It’s also important to acknowledge the influence of society and the media. With social media especially, more of us than ever before have access to other people’s lives, thoughts and opinions. As no one has created a ‘truth’ filter for this information (yet), much of what we see is curetted, perfected and… false.

Understanding the source of your low self-esteem can help you understand yourself better and start taking steps to build it up.

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Low self-confidence

Low self-confidence is something that many of us experience but, over time, it can have a negative impact on our mental health. Here, we’ll explore self-confidence in more detail, discussing what can impact it, how it links to our mental health, and how counselling can help.

‘Confidence is your belief in yourself, your capabilities and your way of relating to the external world. Self-esteem is your internal world; how you feel about yourself, your inner strengths and how much you value yourself’.

Samantha Flanagan

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is about trusting your own judgement and feeling comfortable with your abilities and powers: it’s the means to realise your full potential and be the person you want to be. This trait allows you to feel secure in the world and encourages others to feel comfortable around you.
Self-confidence is made up of a variety of factors, including how you present yourself physically to the world and how you relate to other people. We all differ, but possessing self-confidence can bring benefits to all areas of your life, enhancing your relationships, career, social life and state of mind.
It’s also worth noting that levels of confidence can vary depending on your environment or situation. For instance, you may be particularly confident at work but lack social confidence. Or you might have a thriving romantic relationship but lack confidence in your friendships.
Written by Becky Banham

Signs you have low self-confidence

Your level of self-confidence can be seen by others in many ways; in your body language, your behaviour, how you speak and how you react to different situations:

You have no Drive or Direction
Shy and Uneasy
Feeling useless or Worthless
Inferior to everyone else

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Self-confident people are generally more positive and believe in their abilities, whereas those with low self-confidence often have negative thoughts about themselves and their abilities. Confident people build on what they can do and confront honestly what they’re lacking, accepting constructive criticism and support.

Your confidence won’t necessarily be the same across all areas of your life. It’s important to assess this to understand that learning and skills can be developed to bridge confidence. Maybe you’re confident with one or two close friends but not with big groups. It may be that you’re confident with animals or children, but not with adults.

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How it works

In simple straightforward terms, here's how we can help you...

Sessions for Individuals & Couples

Session Pricing

The amount of sessions can be discussed and agreed at the beginning, however, we will reflect on progress every 6th session.

Individual Sessions

£60 1 Hour

Free 30min telephone/online session
Sessions are weekly
Reviewed every 6th session

Couples Sessions

£80 90 Minutes

Free 30min telephone/online session
Sessions are weekly
Reviewed every 6th session

DID YOU KNOW

Seeking help for yourself, helps others

We work with broken/marginalised people for free, so a portion of the cost of counselling sessions will help fund this. So not only will you be getting a first rate counselling service but you will be helping other people in their hour of need.

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Building Confidence & Esteem